the human condition

i could not pull myself away from this Magritte painting yesterday.  with the crowds swarming around me, all i could think of was people standing before the Grand Canyon with their cameras glued to their eyes, or folks experiencing the Sistine Chapel through their cellphones, or parents witnessing the birth of their children on a video screen.

planted right next to me was a gentleman taking a picture of this painting in a painting with his i pad.  i kid you not.  (p.s.  ~ there were "No Photography" signs everywhere)

the times change, the technology changes, but the human condition remains the same.

The Human Condition

a day in the city

off to the city today to see Magritte at MoMA ~

http://www.moma.org/visit/calendar/exhibitions/1322

which will probably leave me enthralled and confused.

if time permits, i'll check out New Photography 2013 ~

http://www.moma.org/visit/calendar/exhibitions/1381

which will most likely make me angry... if past New Photography exhibits are any indication.

then it's off to the cheesiest cheese restaurant in Manhattan, one of my all time favorites ~

http://www.artisanalbistro.com/

to eat, eat, eat and drink wine to our hearts content with Lou's old friends from high school days, Dwight and Tina Daley.   they have been in the city on a Broadway orgy... a play a day, and sometimes two, since Monday.  and they're ten years older than me.

Allie + Patricia = Super Best Friends Forever!!

i started this blog to share my work and my thoughts on photography.  i hoped it might motivate me to work harder and to think more.  it has.  but it has also become an additional thing to feel guilty about, like unanswered emails.  i think it's because i put too much pressure on myself.  i feel like i have to be profound when i write here, and i never, ever feel profound.  as a result, i don't write in here, and then i feel guilty, and stupid, and nervous about writing again, etc. etc.  the good old vicious cycle thing.

because of this profundity/guilt trap, i'm going to lighten up a bit and make this blog more about sharing,  just plain sharing.... everything.... perhaps a good joke, maybe a great recipe, or the title of a book that really moved me.  it will probably still be largely about art, creativity and photography, because that's what i mostly live and breathe.  but i just can't fake being so studiously serious all the time.  it wears me out.  one of the reasons i love art and photography is because it's fun, and i want this blog to be fun for you and me as well.

to that lofty end, let me start by introducing you to the blog of a young lady i first learned of today, Hyperbole and a Half.  you may already know about her because apparently she has quite a following.  since i don't own a smart phone or i pad, and i'm not on twitter, or very adept at social networking, i tend not to spend much time online and, consequently, i am not all that up to date on internet-ish, you-tubey things.  i do know how to google, so i found out a few things about the fantastic mind behind this blog.  it belongs to a young woman named Allie Brosh.  she has been at it for a few years but hasn't written in awhile because she suffers from depression and went into a bit of a tailspin last year.  it seems recently she has begun to feel better (YAY) and is  returning to her blog.  there may be a book in the works.  one can only hope.  she reminds me of a young Roz Chast (another major hero of mine).

as a sample of her work, i've selected a piece i know you will like, Val, because you're a dog lover and it's about her dog.  i laughed out loud, and i'm a cat person.  here it is:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/07/dog.html

i've only had the opportunity to read a couple of her past posts and can't wait to dive into her archive.

i feel happy.  like when you discover a writer you really, really love and learn that she has written forty-four previous books.  what a treat lies in store for me, and you too, i hope.

Alec Soth and his 52 popsicles assignment

every time i sit down to write here (and, sorry,  i haven't done so in quite some time) i think of Alec Soth's blog and how totally lame mine is in comparison.

Soth, an amazing photographer (see Sleeping by the Mississippi for a start; here's a teaser ~ http://alecsoth.com/photography/?page_id=14) is also an intriguing thinker and writer.  i highly recommend visiting the Little Brown Mushroom site and reading all the popsicles so far (he's up to #37 now, i think.  i'll let him explain the popsicle part).  i also recommend the archive of his previous blog.

he stimulates and challenges my thinking about photography and creativity more than anyone writing today.  part of me hates to admit this because i am usually loathe to like someone who already has an enormous fan club... as does Soth.  but, he's just too good not to recommend.  try this recent popsicle post on for size.

http://www.littlebrownmushroom.com/blog/popsicle-34-lectures-by-charlie-kaufman-and-george-saunders/

Alec Soth, Lary, 2009, courtesy of the Sean Kelly Gallery

A Lovely Little Poem

i stumbled upon this wonderful poem a few days ago in an old New Yorker.

Before Air-Conditioning

The sweetness of the freshness of the breeze!
The wind is wiggling the trees.
The sky is black.  The trees deep green.
The man mowing the enormous lawn before it rains makes goodness clean.
It's the smell of laundry on the line
And the smell of the sea, brisk iodine,
Nine hundred miles inland from the ocean, it's that smell.
It makes someone little who has a fever feel almost well.
It's exactly what a sick person needs to eat.
Maybe it's coming from Illinois in the heat.
Watch out for the crows, though.
With them around, caw, caw, it's going to snow.
I think I'm still asleep.  I hope I said my prayers before I died.
I hear the milkman setting the clinking bottles down outside.

--Fredrick Seidel

Butterflies

a few days ago, i went to the garden of our local park to take some pictures, something i have not been able to do for the past month or so.  the flowers in the garden were awash in butterflies ~ big, beautiful, bold butterflies on steroids.  i've never seen butterflies quite so large.  i became completely hypnotized by their languorous, luscious beauty and carefree flight.  it was heaven.

as i watched the butterflies sparkle in the air, i was reminded of a Rabindranath Tagore "Firefly" i intend to have engraved on my tombstone:

"The butterfly counts not months but moments,
    and has time enough."

i may have taken a picture or two, but i fear they will be blurry.  the butterflies never quite stopped beating their wings.

that evening it poured rain ~ a steady, strong rain coursing from the sky.  this got me to wondering, and worrying about the butterflies.  where do they go when it rains?  how do they protect their delicate wings?

here's what i learned from the Children's Butterfly Website:

"Butterflies hide when it rains.  They usually go to the same places they do for the night.  Some butterflies hide under large leaves, some crawl down into dense leaves or under rocks, and some just sit head down on grass stems or bushes with wings held tightly.  If the rains are exceptionally hard or of long duration, many of the butterflies become tattered or die."

recently i have been like the butterfly hiding from the rainstorms in my life.   but yesterday, it finally stopped raining.  yesterday, i learned that my husband is free of the cancer he has been valiantly battling for the past eight months.

today i emerge from under the leaves, head now up, and spread my wings to fly, once again, back into the sunlit sky.  a bit battered and worn, you'll find me dancing with the flowers.

Happy Birthday To Me

today is my 59th birthday.  never in my wildest dreams did i believe i'd grow this old.  so old, in fact, my best friend says i can no longer claim that i died young.  she's right, of course, and i am grateful... grateful to have lived 59 amazing, wondrous years, with many more to come, i hope.

i've never been particularly age obsessed... never fudged when asked my age... and, in fact, i've found i've rather enjoyed growing older.  with each passing year i've felt freer, less self-conscious and shy (a true bane of my youth) and much more willing to do what i love, say what i think, go where i want, and damn the consequences.  with age i've been liberated.  i've discovered a comfortableness with who i am that is absolutely glorious.

but, as with all things in life, there is a down side to getting older.  friends and loved ones grow ill, family members die.  how can this happen?  the essential, vital beings in your life slowly begin to disappear, and you feel as if you are vanishing too.  this year i lost my nephew Mateo and my brother Greg within a matter of months.  the pain is still acute.  it is hard to breathe, hard to eat, hard to sleep.  i miss them so much, and have a difficult time carrying on in a world without their physical presence.

yet, they are always with me.  i see and feel them everywhere.  my love for them grows deeper every day.  my memories are strong and untroubled.  these are the comforts that will help carry me through the pain and into a peaceful coexistence with their deaths.

a few weeks ago, i had lunch with my father's life long best friend, Don Marine.  he brought with him some pictures from my youth.  this is one of the pictures he gave me.

Iowa, 1960

in this picture, my father, GR, dead for 20 years, sits in front.  my mother, Pearl Ann, dead for five years, sits behind.  my brother, Greg, dead for 3 months, is by my side.  they surround me.  they protect me.  they love me.  they have left me to travel the river together, until i can again be by their side.  this image breaks my heart.  this image comforts me.  it is a wonderful birthday gift that i will treasure for all my birthdays to come.